It’s completely normal to have negative thoughts! It’s part of our evolutionary history. However if you believe the thought “what a dreadful day”, in other words if you are stuck in cognitive fusion (literally fused with the thought) then guess what you will probably have? That’s right, you will probably have a dreadful day! In other words if you believe a thought like that, it can generate what we might call negativity.īelow I will teach you a simple and powerful tool to create cognitive defusion (untangling from thoughts) easily and quickly – but first of all, there is something that is important for you to know… Now is it true that the day is dreadful? No, of course not, it is simply raining. It’s possible that a thought might come into your head that says “what a dreadful day”. The example I like to use often to illustrate the difference between cognitive fusion and cognitive defusion is this…imagine waking up one day and looking out the window and seeing rain. We have a choice in how we choose to respond to them. Mental events if you will, that move through the mind all the time just like the weather passes through the sky. We see our thoughts as simply bits of language that pass through the mind. We certainly don’t take our thoughts to be ‘the truth’ and we don’t automatically obey them or play them out. We only listen to them if we find them valuable or helpful. When we are not fused with our thoughts-when we can step back into cognitive defusion, then we do not take our thoughts too seriously. You see when we are fused with our thoughts (cognitive fusion) we tend to take our thoughts very, very seriously. This process of stepping back from thoughts is called ‘cognitive defusion.’ In cognitive defusion we learn to see the thoughts in our head as simply that-just thoughts. Once we learn to recognise and identify negative thought patterns as they occur, we can start to step back from them. They directly cause what we could describe as ‘negative’ (unwanted or unpleasant) emotions like anxiety, depression, stress, fear, unworthiness, shame etc. Negative thought patterns are repetitive, unhelpful thoughts. KEY ONE: RECOGNISE & STEP BACK FROM NEGATIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS The Four Keys all work together to create mental resilience and a calm, clear mind. This is going to take a little practice and persistence on your part, but I have a little toolkit of meditations and skills below to support and guide you along the way (and retreats if you’re ready to take the leap). One thing before you read on: it’s important to note that if you’re looking for a quick fix this is not what I have to offer you here. Once you understand what causes negative thinking and integrate the skills to work with your mind in new ways, you can transform your life from the inside out. They have worked for me and hundreds of others-and they can work for you too, if you will give it a try. I now spend my life teaching other people the skills and tools that turned my life around. My mind is a place of rest, comfort and ease. It’s like the mind-prison that I was caged in has now become a warm, cosy and friendly home in which to dwell. I went from being a bulimic, self-hating and disillusioned person to ‘waking up’ out of the negativity that plagued me and into a sense of inner freedom, ease and wholeness I could never have imagined in my darkest days. If you are struggling with negative thinking, I can tell you from my own experience that it is possible to turn things around, cultivate inner peace, and live a rich, meaningful and fulfilling life. The research shows that struggling with, arguing with, trying to drown out or push away unhelpful thoughts only amplifies them and makes things worse (1). These are common strategies that attempt to stop the thoughts and numb the pain in the short term but they only make things worse in the long term. People often try many different ways to get rid of their negative thoughts, including distractions, diversions or ‘drowning their sorrows’ only to later mentally beat themselves up for being still stuck in their negativity. INEFFECTIVE WAYS PEOPLE TRY TO STOP NEGATIVE THINKING Why do I believe that? Because if I can do it (and I have) from the dark place I used to be in, then I trust these tools will work for you too-no matter where you’re at. With the four keys listed below, and a little practice, I believe anyone can break free of negativity for good. Negative (unhelpful) thinking patterns can have a strong and sometimes devastating impact on our relationships, our health, our work… our lives. Do you struggle with negative thinking? If you have a harsh inner critic or get caught in worry, stress, anxiety, depression or wrestle with low self-worth, then you know some of the symptoms first hand.
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